Everyone Says "Forgive Them" but nobody tells you what that really means

And somewhere along this beautiful journey

filled with highs and lows,

 —

you began to understand that your symptoms

might have something to do with your emotions...

and the condition of your inner world.

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At first, it happens quietly.

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Maybe through anxiety.

Maybe through exhaustion.

Maybe through symptoms you cannot explain.

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One day you realize that your body seems to know things

your mind has forgotten.

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Everyone keeps saying the same thing:

Stress is bad for you.

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And while that may be true,

life was never meant to be stress-free.

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Some stress helps us grow.

Some pain helps us change.

Some discomfort points us toward the life we were meant to live.

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The problem begins when we stop listening.

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When life becomes too loud.

Too chaotic.

Too overwhelming.

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And so the body starts keeping records.

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Every disappointment.

Every heartbreak.

Every betrayal.

Every grief.

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Stored away somewhere deep inside.

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Waiting patiently.

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Not to punish you.

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But to be felt.

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And years later,

when everything on the outside finally seems calm again,

the body begins speaking.

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In symptoms.

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In tension.

—

In exhaustion.

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In pain.

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Unfortunately,

nobody taught us this language.

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So we become afraid.

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We assume something is wrong with us.

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We search for answers.

Doctors.

Tests.

Treatments.

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Until one day someone says a word we have never really understood:

Psychosomatics.

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The body remembers what the mind has forgotten.

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Years ago,

during one of my own searches for answers,

I visited a practitioner.

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I remember lying there quietly while he worked.

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At one point,

his hands rested on my stomach.

Near my solar plexus.

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And suddenly he stopped.

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"Oh God," he whispered.

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"Please forgive them."

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"Please forgive them."

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I remember feeling confused.

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What do you mean?

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I have forgiven everyone.

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I am not resentful.

I am positive.

I moved on.

—

That was my answer.

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But while speaking those words,

I realized something.

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They weren't true.

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Because my body was telling a different story.

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My stomach felt heavy.

Painful.

Tight.

—

And suddenly I understood:

I had moved on.

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But I had not let go.

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The pain was still there.

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Not in my mind.

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But honestly,

I did not get much further with that practitioner.

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The only thing that visit gave me

was a new question.

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Who have I not forgiven yet?

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And suddenly,

I began reopening old wounds in my mind.

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One by one.

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Trying to find the people

I still needed to forgive.

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And the list was long.

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Very long.

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So naturally,

I did what I always did.

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I started searching for answers.

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More books.

More teachers.

More podcasts.

More wisdom.

—

Surely someone knew

how forgiveness was supposed to work.

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Everywhere I looked,

the message seemed the same:

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Forgive them.

And then you will be free.

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So I turned forgiveness

into another project.

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Another thing to achieve.

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Another thing to get right.

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I must become better at forgiving.

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I prayed.

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God, help me forgive.

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I repeated affirmations.

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I forgive.

You are free.

I am free.

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Again.

And again.

And again.

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And yet...

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nothing changed.

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Because the more I thought about forgiveness,

the more pain I felt.

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The more anger surfaced.

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The more frustrated I became.

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And eventually I realized why.

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I was not forgiving.

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I was trying to bypass my pain.

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I was trying to become a good person

instead of an honest one.

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And those are not the same thing.

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This is where so many people get lost.

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Because when people say:

"Forgive them."

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The mind often translates it as:

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It wasn't that bad.

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Just let it go.

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Be the bigger person.

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Stop being angry.

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Move on.

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Reconcile.

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And suddenly forgiveness becomes another way

of abandoning yourself.

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Another way of silencing your pain.

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Another way of pretending.

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But true forgiveness is none of those things.

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Forgiveness does not mean

what happened was okay.

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Forgiveness does not mean

you must let someone back into your life.

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Forgiveness does not mean

you forget.

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And forgiveness certainly does not mean

you stop feeling.

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True forgiveness begins

when you stop tying your life

to what somebody else did.

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And suddenly,

forgiveness is no longer something you give them.

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It becomes something you give yourself.

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Most people think forgiveness is for the person who hurt them.

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In reality,

forgiveness is often the moment

you stop carrying them inside your body.

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The stored pain.

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The emotional weight.

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The old identity.

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The story.

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The hope.

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Especially the hope.

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Because linguistically,

the word forgiveness never actually meant

approving of what happened.

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The word comes from the Old English forgiefan.

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To give away.

To release.

To let go.

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Not the person.

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The attachment.

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The claim.

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The debt.

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The demand that reality should have been different.

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And maybe this is the deepest misunderstanding of all.

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Most people believe forgiveness means letting go of the person.

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It doesn't.

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Forgiveness means letting go

of the hope

that the past will someday change.

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That is why so many people say they have forgiven,

yet still suffer.

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Because they are still waiting.

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Waiting for an apology.

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Waiting for understanding.

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Waiting for justice.

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Waiting for the past

to become something else.

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But it never does.

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And that is where suffering remains.

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Forgiveness is not letting go of the person.

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It is letting go of the negotiation.

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The endless argument with reality.

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It happened.

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I wish it hadn't.

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But it happened.

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And from that moment,

something begins to soften.

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Not peace with the event.

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Peace with the fact that it happened.

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Less spirituality.

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Less morality.

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More truth.

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Because often,

we are not forgiving the other person.

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We are forgiving life

for not unfolding the way we wanted it to.

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And that is a much deeper form of forgiveness.

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The opposite of forgiveness is not anger.

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It is attachment.

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Attachment to a version of reality

that never happened.

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And that is why true forgiveness rarely feels spiritual.

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It rarely feels noble.

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Sometimes it feels like a deep sigh.

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A quiet moment when something inside finally says:

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Ah.

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It happened.

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And now my life is allowed to continue.

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Your parents were who they were.

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It happened.

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The relationship ended.

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It happened.

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Your friend betrayed you.

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It happened.

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Your employer never saw your value.

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It happened.

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Stop holding onto improvement scenarios.

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Stop replaying alternative endings.

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Stop negotiating with reality.

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It is over.

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And that is okay.

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You are free.

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Not because they apologized.

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Not because they changed.

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Not because justice arrived.

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You are free

because you stopped trying to repair

what is no longer repairable.

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And maybe...

before forgiving anyone else,

there is one person

who deserves your compassion first.

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You.

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For carrying these stories for so long.

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For wishing it had been different.

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For hoping.

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For waiting.

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For believing

that one day

the past would finally become something else.

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But now...

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you can forgive yourself

for holding on.

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It was human.

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It was understandable.

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It was love.

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You wanted it to be better.

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And there is nothing wrong with that.

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But now,

it is okay

to create something better

instead.

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And that becomes possible

the moment you stop holding on

to what can no longer be changed.

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The moment you stop arguing

with reality.

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The moment you accept.

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And move forward.

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That is forgiveness.

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You give yourself permission

to let go

of the illusion

of what could have happened differently.

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And finally return your energy

to what is still possible.

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You stop trying to create

a better past.

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And begin creating

a better future.